It started out like any other normal day. Peter and I both had the day off work. We were going to go to our doctors for our routine ultrasound and to confirm what we already knew that our baby was a princess. We were in the car driving downtown jamming out to some song that brought back memories for us. Got to the doctors right on time (per our usual were generally late), got checked in at the front desk and then waited for them to call us back.
We went back to the dark ultrasound room, and the tech began our ultrasound. I remember her going over Emma pretty fast but Peter and I were just blissfully enjoying all the images we were able to see of her! The tech was wrapping up the ultrasound when she told us that she wanted to refer us to a part of the hospital for high-risk pregnancies because she thought Emma had Spina Bifida. We were shocked. She said "why don't you go wait in the waiting room while I try and get you an appointment over there, I know I've just dropped a bombshell on you" (Uhh yeah ya think??) and I don't want you to have to wait a week for a follow up ultrasound.
So we waited and waited and waited to be called back to speak with the doctor before going over to the other section in the hospital. Our doctor was very compassionate but really all I wanted at that moment was to RUN... I didn't want to sit there anymore and here about how my PERFECT little girl may have something wrong with her. I so wanted the ultrasound technician to be wrong.
We went for a higher level ultrasound, and that was originally done by another ultrasound technician and then she brought in a doctor to take another look. After what seemed like an eternity (although I really enjoyed getting to see my little girl for so long) she said "Your baby does have Spina Bifida".
So as Peter, myself and my mom hugged and cried we went to speak with a geneticist. Then we walked out of the hospital. I was in a daze... I couldn't believe it, I wondered why God, why US? Why would you do this to what was supposed to be our perfect family? Frankly how could you?
We went home and just cried. That was all we could do. We were grieving over the loss of what we had dreamed of for our lives, how we envisioned the rest of our lives to be, the dreams we had for our little girl. Our pastor came over that night and just listened to us and prayed with and for us.
The week proceeding that Monday went by in a fog. I can't really remember much. Its gotten easier. I guess that's how I can describe it. Easier in a sense, that it's not so new, and real, and painful.
I sit here on the eve of the week that is going to re-open the semi closed holes in our hearts. This upcoming week I have to undergo a fetal MRI, another ultrasound, and a fetal echo. Then on Thursday we will have a meeting with about 4 different doctors, a neonatologist, a neurologist, a pediatric surgeon, and a maternal fetal medicine doctor. All who will be involved in the care for Emma after she is here. We will hopefully learn how severe her opening is and hopefully they can give us a little insight as to what she will have to endure in her new little life.
We ask for prayers, prayers for comfort, peace and understanding, prayers that the doctors will have all the wisdom and knowledge that they will need to handle our precious baby girl. Prayers for our family as they are trying to navigate their way through all of this as well. Prayers that the severity and her limitations wont be as bad as they could be.
Out of all of this though what we have learned so far is that God truly doesn't give a person more then they can handle. He obviously has a lot more confidence in us then I have in myself, but I have faith that he will hold Emma's hand through everything that she'll have to go through. And he has a reason for blessing our family with one AMAZING little girl!
I appreciate your reading this, and please continue to check back with Lady Bug Hugs for prayer needs and to just keep up with our cool little girl!
At the end of the day this is all that matters to us:
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